Michael the Tortoise

Lonesome George

A hundred-year-old tortoise died this month. That might not mean much to you, but to me, it's heart breaking. This particular tortoise was the last of his kind, and no other living specimens of his subspecies (Geochelone Abingdoni) are known to exist. Scientists were attempting to breed him with females of a similar genus before he passed on. If successful, he would have had some cute little hybrid babies. Alas, their attempts failed, and he died childless and alone.

Those who read my blog will probably understand why I find this particular story interesting. First, it's a sad story. I like sad stories. Second, his subspecies died because humans hunted the tortoises of the Galapagos Islands and decimated their natural habitat. That's what ultimately led to their extinction. Humans fucked up his life, and he had to deal with horrible circumstances beyond his control. I can relate to that. Lastly, he would rather die than propagate his species. He hated females, and he took that shit to the grave....literally. Hats off to him for that.

If it were up to me to propagate my species, humanity would be doomed. My personal aversion to females has robbed me of my natural instinct to mate. Any desire for companionship that I had was killed off years ago.

So, here's to you George. I look forward to seeing you in the next life. Maybe we can spend the rest of eternity bitching about how women and humanity ruined our natural lives.