Ten Reasons Why I Hate Emoticons

For over fifteen years, I've had conversations via chat room, text message, and e-mail. While communicating in this manner, I began to notice a disturbing trend. Our Language was being re-written with childish abbreviations. At first, it was only teenagers, but eventually adults started to utilize this new vernacular. The result was a bastardized version of the English language. I'm not happy about it, but I can live with it. 

On the other hand, I have no tolerance for emoticons. Humanity has spent thousands of years developing sophisticated and elaborate languages. To date, this is one of our greatest feats as a species. So, to watch humans replace words (or even full sentences) with a "smiley-icon" breaks my heart and makes my blood boil simultaneously. I knew I hated emoticons, but I couldn't quite verbalize why until now. Recently, while on a long bus ride, I received numerous annoying text messages (none of which I responded to). This led me to scribble out a list of reasons I despise emoticons. 

Here is that list: 

1. Using crude symbols instead of actual words is a step backwards for any society. 
2. No one really makes emoticon-style faces when they text or type. I beg you to find someone that sticks their tongue out and winks at their phone or computer while texting or typing.
3. If you have to signify flirting or innuendo with an emoticon, you're doing it wrong. 
4. Pre-school children communicate with emoticon-style drawings (happy faces, sad faces, etc). It's an infantile form of communication. Teenagers just adapted it and taught it to their parents. Hell, my grandma even sends emoticons via her Jitterbug now. 
5. Most everyone uses emoticons, but that doesn't make it right. Acceptance doesn't validate ignorance. 
6. If we keep it up, emoticons will be in the dictionary and/ or taught schools. 
7. The capitol-O/ underscore/ lowercase-o combo (O_o). I hate this one. It's the emoticon equivalent of a derp face. 
8. Keyboards are for words, not pictures. 
9. I only write what I can speak. Emoticons are an obvious regression from this concept.
10. When I ask a question, I want an answer. Not a smiley face. Is this too much to ask? 

Some say I'm overreacting, but try not using emoticons while communicating on the web or via text message. You'd be surprised how much you've come to rely on them.